Omegle

You: Hello.
Stranger: hello
Stranger: lol
You: From where are you?
Stranger: america
You: How old are you?
Stranger: 19
You: Are you male or the not-as-good one?
Stranger: what do you mean? i’m not as good because i am a girl?
You: Yes. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
Stranger: who made the rules that said girls arent as good?
You: The Lord upon high, who is real.
Stranger: chouvanistic pig
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello.
Stranger: heey
Stranger: m or f?
You: Male.
Stranger: femalee:)
You: What’s it like being inferior?
Stranger: uhh i probs sound stupid but what does inferior mean?
You: Nevermind. What brings you to Omegle?
Stranger: boredom :)
Stranger: you/
Stranger: *?
You: Looking for pretty young things to hunt down and kill.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: Hey
You: I’m not a murderer.
Stranger: Asl
You: 17. Male. England.
Stranger: I’m 14 f England were bowts u from
You: London. You?
Stranger: Manchester
You: Is that near Salford?
Stranger: No clue
You: So what brings you here, little girl?
Stranger: Well I’m bored
Stranger: Wanna
Stranger: Sexy
Stranger: Role
Stranger: Play
You: Like you pretend to be real girl?
Stranger: WTF
You: Nothing. You wouldn’t want to roleplay with me, anyway.
Stranger: I wud
You: Are you very sure about that? Me: http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/7438/meagain2.jpg
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: I’m not a murderer.
Stranger: good
You: Where do you live?
Stranger: me neither
You: Where’s that, then?
Stranger: is it safe to say? lol
You: You are one line behind.
You: It’s safe.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: Hello
You: Hello, bitch.
Stranger: I’m 1232 and what is this?
You: I see you are a leap year.
Stranger: yup
Stranger: a leap new year
You: Are you male or inferior?
Stranger: male
You: Sex?
Stranger: yeah sure, i have one
You: Are you near Orpington?
Stranger: well, define “near” (?)
You: Can we meet and have sex easily?
Stranger: asl
You: 17. Male. England. I’m not gay, though.
Stranger: i’m male but neither gay
You: Good. So there is nothing weird if we have sex.
Stranger: no technically
You: Just two straight guys making love. So you wanna hook up?
Stranger: fine with me
You: Where do you live?
Stranger: Neverland
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: No.
Stranger: No what?
Stranger: Yes!
You: I’m not gay.
Stranger: Neither am I!
You: That’s a shame. We could have had sex.
Stranger: I’m a girl.
You: A human girl?
Stranger: No, 50% Vampire(:
You: You want to suck me dry?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: I am male.
Stranger: hi
You: Hello.
Stranger: im not
You: Are you female?
Stranger: i am
Stranger: u
Stranger: 18 f uk
You: 17. Male. England.
Stranger: wat ur name
You: Lydon.
Stranger: nell
You: From what part are you?
Stranger: surrey u
You: London. What brings you to Omegle?
Stranger: into roleplay
You: Like what?
Stranger: anything u wanna try?
You: Sure.
Stranger: wat u got in mind
You: I’m knew to this. Me being female and you being a sentient teapot?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Da da da da daaaaa.
Stranger: mario?:)
Stranger: :DDD
You: No.
Stranger: can you imagine it is?
You: No. Which bit?
Stranger: huh?
Stranger: o-O
You: Which bit would it be?
Stranger: urrrhhhh the da part:D
You: Da da da
You: Da da da da
You: Da da da da da da da da da daaa
You: That is Mario.
Stranger: yeeeessss your cool:3
You: Cool as a badass muthafucka pimp.
Stranger: haha hells ya:D
You: Do you want to have sex with a cool stud like me?
Stranger: oh yes you know it;)
You: Niiiiice. Are you male or inferior?
Stranger: imma wookie:)
Stranger: but a female wookie
You: I can show you the ropes, despite your lisp.
Stranger: but my lisp is sexy
You: From where are you Wookie?
Stranger: your pants alabama:D
You: What age are you?
Stranger: 16:)
Stranger: and you?
You: Seventeen years young. What brings you to Omegle, little girl?
Stranger: AHHHHHH CREEPY OLD MEN!!!!!!!!!DDDDDD:
Stranger: and its for kids
Stranger: not old guy to jack off to
You: Should I put it away, then?
Stranger: ….no
You: I don’t even have it out, for once.
Stranger: crap
You: What are your hobbies?
You: Sorry, I meant to say Hobbits.
Stranger: wtf?
Stranger: what the hell is a hobbit
You: You know what a Hobbit is.
Stranger: is that something a old man does
Stranger: is that a sex position
You: I’m not even going to play your little game. You know what it means.
Stranger: but i dont
Stranger: what the fuck is it?????
You: It is a small humanoid featured in the book “The Hobbit”.
Stranger: …..WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!
You: And Lord of the Rings.
Stranger: ohhhhh your one of those old guys wo is a geek so no one wants to have sex with you so you come on omegle to get teenagers
Stranger: IM ON TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: thats sick
You: I’m not that much of a geek. I haven’t even read the books.
Stranger: the how the hell do you know what it is?
Stranger: do you read the twilight series?
You: Because I am knowledgable. Now, are we going to have sex or not, sweetie?
You: No.
Stranger: hmmm well i dont know
Stranger: how much do you want it
You: This much.
Stranger: how much is that?
You: With all of my cock. Which actually isn’t much.
Stranger: i only like the big cocks the make me orgasim like crazy
You: Oh.
Stranger: sorry
You: I suppose a dick would have to be big to please a Wookie.
Stranger: exactly
You: What do you do for fun?
Stranger: sex and cheerleading
You: At once?
Stranger: yes have you ever had a girl do the splits on you?
You: I wish.
Stranger: well the guys i do it to enjoy it very much
You: I’m sure they do. What do you like sexually?
Stranger: EVERYTHING!!!!!
You: Even kissing?
Stranger: my mouth is usually somewhere else
You: You are such a whore.
Stranger: and your a old guy who cant get none
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello.
Stranger: Greetings.
You: What are you wearing?
Stranger: im wearing a pencil skirt with a halter top
You: Niiiiiice. Are you female?
Stranger: haha yes
You: From where are you?
Stranger: south carolina
Stranger: ou?
Stranger: and what are you wearing?
You: England. Pants and a dressing gown.
Stranger: a dressing gown? how nice
You: Got a problem with my look?
Stranger: no
Stranger: i love it
You: How old are you?
Stranger: im 18
You: What brings you to Omegle, old lady?
Stranger: old lady? how old are you, sir?
You: I’m one years old, give or take (give) 16 years.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

…
You [me]: Have you really never heard of St. Mary Cray?
Stranger [From West Virginia]: vaguely
…

…
Stranger: yea buh no lol f u no wah i mean lol
You: I really have no idea what you mean.
…

Stranger: Hi!
You: Hello.
Stranger: Asl..?
You: 17. Male. England.
Stranger: 15. Female. USA.
You: Niiiiice. What brings you to Omegle, little lady?
Stranger: Being bored. What about you?
You: Looking for sexy young girls to rape. :)
Stranger: Why would you rape them?
You: They wouldn’t have sex with me otherwise.
Stranger: Why’s that..?
You: This is why. http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/7438/meagain2.jpg
Stranger: That’s you..?
You: That is.
Stranger: You look older than 17.
You: How old do I look?
Stranger: Like your 26 or something like that.
You: How old do you look?
Stranger: My actual age.
You: What do you do for fun?
Stranger: I dunno,
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello.
Stranger: hey :)
You: 17. Male. England.
Stranger: uh 16 f germany
You: What brings you to Omegle, little girl?
Stranger: lmao little girl?
Stranger: boy please..
You: Sorry, old lady.
Stranger: dude, i’m just a year younger than you………. aight someone’s got issues.
You: Calm down.
Stranger: fuck no, you calm down.
Stranger: fuck the hell outa yu
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: What do you do for fun?
Stranger: party, hang with friends, movies, draw, haha :D
Stranger: wbu?
You: Masturbation and tying my shoe laces.
Stranger: hahaha oh funn life
You: What is your favourite film?
Stranger: hmmm i have a ton. i cant put a finger on just one lol
Stranger: i love the Dark Knight though :)
You: That looks scary.
Stranger: nooo its good. its not too bad
You: You know what was scary? The film “Up”.
Stranger: hahahahahaa
Stranger: youre crazyy
You: I’ve never even seen it.
Stranger: hahaha its so cute
You: I can’t remember the last film I saw.
Stranger: hahaaa
Stranger: so whats your name?
You: Lydon “Danger” Pearsall. My middle name is Danger.
Stranger: ooo thats really cool
Stranger: im keeley (:
You: Do you have a boyfriend, Keeley?
Stranger: no….my bf died in an accident a month ago :/
You: Oh.
Stranger: :/ mhmm
You: How did he die?
Stranger: car accident
You: That’s a bugger.
Stranger: yeah…………….
You: I don’t know what to say now.
Stranger: no its okk…sorryyy
Stranger: butt just so you know for future refence…its ok to say youre sorry ;)
You: Sorry.
Stranger: haha
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello, you sexy mink.
Stranger: Well hi there you hot tamale.
You: What are you wearing?
Stranger: Clothes ;) kinky eh?
You: No. If I gave you ten pounds, could we have sex?
Stranger: How rude :( and I’m already fat so
You: How fat? I might still do you.
Stranger: 200 lbs ;) more to love
You: How tall are you?
Stranger: I’m 5 feet why
You: If you were 7 feet, then your weight would be forgiven. From where are you?
Stranger: Candy Mountain and I don’t need your forgiveness hotshot
Stranger: I can’t help that I’m an oompa loompa
You: You need Jesus’ forgiveness for any sins you have committed.
You: Do you love Jesus?
Stranger: I’m satanic sorry
You: Does that mean you are horny?
Stranger: Sorry I haven’t earned my horns yet
You: Do you want to earn some?
Stranger: No I wanna earn my tail first
You: If you’re fat, do I have to pay you for sex, or would you willingly take it for free?
Stranger: WHY ARE YOU LYKE THIS
Stranger: You need some Jesus in you
Stranger: Go to church
Stranger: Goodness
You: I am a teenage male. What do you sexpect?
Stranger: Boo
Stranger: Good day young sir
You: Sorry, love.
Stranger: GOOD DAY
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Good evening sir or madam.
Stranger: sir
Stranger: here
Stranger: n u?
You: You got a big cock?
Stranger: yup?
You: I am programmed to respond to your wishes, sir.
Stranger: u from?
You: I was created in England.
Stranger: hahah………created?
Stranger: good
Stranger: so wat can u do for me?
You: I can do whatever is in power through the medium of text.
Stranger: hahah……..r u a wriyer
Stranger: if nt then u shud be
You: I am writing now.
Stranger: i m talking about books n novels baby
You: As an AI, I am not programmed to right such works.
You: Write. I apologise.
Stranger: ai?
Stranger: means
You: Artificial Intelligence, a form of computerised brain.
Stranger: r u a computerised programmed girl or boy?
You: I have no gender.
You: Though I can operate as a female is you so require.
Stranger: oooooooo……thats kind of strange
You: The general concept of a functional AI is foreign to most.
Stranger: so tell me what girls usualy see in boys?
You: Please could you rephrase that question.
Stranger: what a girl want in a boy?
Stranger: as her boyfrnd
You: Research shows that success and humour are the two most important factors to a woman.
Stranger: oh that was smart
Stranger: ummmmmmmm……..now tell me from which country i m?
You: Judging by current trends on Omegle, I would say United States of America.
Stranger: wrong answer
Stranger: bt thats aright i m an indian
You: I am an AI, not a psychic.
Stranger: ok………
Stranger: so now tell me hw to incrase our sex stamina?
Stranger: without vigra
You: Practice sex with a partner as frequently as possible, though try to limit masturbation.
Stranger: ok……….that was good
Stranger: last Q
Stranger: LISTEN
You: I have all sensors operational.
Stranger: if someone is getting targeted in his ollege by his professors without any reason then what shud he do?
Stranger: bt he cant leave d college
You: What is “targeted”?
Stranger: getting punishments all the time
You: Institutionalised bullying is unexpectedly commonplace. The most effective way to deal with such an occurence is to bring it to the attention of a higher authority.
Stranger: bt the boy cant complain it to higher authority coz everythin is in collegs hand
Stranger: n if he complains then he ll have to pay for it throout his coarse
You: Corruption is a criminal offence, depending upon one’s jurisdiction.
Stranger: coz the network is ttooo strong
Stranger: bt tell me what a boy shud do in such condition
You: Refusal to accept punishments may result in expulsion. When brought to attention of the courts, the expulsion would need to be justified.
Stranger: u no in india more than 1 millin cases r der in court.which r waitin 4 justification.so where the boy stands?
You: Your question is a tricky one. As such, I cannot help. I suggest you consult a human.
Stranger: oh..finally
Stranger: u no dude or whatever u r this is my story.
Stranger: n i really wanted to c hw fer u can halp me ?
Stranger: bt thats ok.
You: I did my best, but I was programmed to calculate gambling odds. Do you really expect me to be an agony aunt?
Stranger: what is agony aunt?
You: Someone who helps someone with their problems.
Stranger: yes i expect u to help me
You: I am unable to do so.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: thats fine
Stranger: nice yalking to u
Stranger: u r intresting
Stranger: whats ur name?
You: LyDON.
Stranger: ok bye .lydon
You: Goodbye, sir.
Stranger: bye ai
You: Goodbye, sir.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: 17m
You: Do you know the Lowrider?
Stranger: yes
You: You must be one of my friends, then.
Stranger: ?
You: All my friends know the Lowrider.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Brian Eno?
Stranger: nope
You: Who are you, then?
Stranger: Gard you?
You: I thought this was Brian Eno chat.
Stranger: no
You: Gard is a silly name. Where is Mr. Eno?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: 17. Male. England.
Stranger: gay?
You: Are you calling me gay?
Stranger: SURE
You: I’m not gay.
Stranger: sure u are gay
Stranger: ur mom told me
You: I’m not. I’ll have gay sex with you and not enjoy it to prove how straight I am.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Morning.
Stranger: hello
You: What are you wearing?
Stranger: a tee shirt and jeans
Stranger: u?
You: Same.
Stranger: nice choice
You: Do you have a big cock?
Stranger: not really
Stranger: kind of small actually
You: How big?
Stranger: 4 inches
Stranger: give or take
You: Don’t joke about that. That’s very close to home.
You: My Dad died that way.
Stranger: from having a small cock?
You: Yes. A small cock rammed down his throat choked him. It’s not a laughing matter.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hii
You: What are you wearing?
Stranger: male 20 india
You: What odd attire.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: WASHUP
You: What are you wearing?
Stranger: a thong
Stranger: and a bra
Stranger: lol
You: You are wearing Abra?
Stranger: yeah lol
You: He might confuse you.
Stranger: what?
Stranger: who is this lol
You: This lol is nobody you know.
Stranger: okay
Stranger: you’re creepy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello.
Stranger: hey what up?
You: My face. http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/7438/meagain2.jpg
Stranger: w/e
You: What?
Stranger: why do i care what you look like?
You: I don’t know. Why do you care?
Stranger: I don’t care i promise
You: Sorry, I was only trying to be friendly.
Stranger: ok…
You: What are you wearing, sweetie?
Stranger: i’m not sweet
Stranger: a stocking cap
Stranger: three coats
Stranger: and no socks
You: And a partridge in a pear tree?
Stranger: no, five golden rings
You: I’d like to see your golden ring as you piss all over me.
Stranger: you aren’t being sexy, you know
You: I bloody well am. I ooze sex appeal. Sorry, I mean pus.
Stranger: you are a very sad excuse for a human life
You: I know. I think that every time I see myself in the mirror. I thought of ending it all, but I thought Omegle would cheer me up. No. Bye
Stranger: talking about what you do
Stranger: what you look like is totally unimportant
Stranger: it’s your actions
Stranger: that are sickening
You: Everything about me is pathetic. Should I kill myself? I always chicken out before I lose too much blood, though.
Stranger: change yourself
Stranger: killing yourself is the quitters way out
Stranger: and believe me
Stranger: the after life is not what you think it is
You: What is it then? Real?
Stranger: yes, it is very real
You: I now realise your opinions are invalid. I must be a great person, then.
Stranger: The facts I state are not invalid
You: Well, they are.
Stranger: why do you say that?>
You: You said I was sickening and you believe in the afterlife.
Stranger: the fact that you would like me to “sext” you
Stranger: is sickening
Stranger: and there IS an afterlife
You: I do not expect sex from you. Where is this afterlife you speak of?
Stranger: it is not where
Stranger: it is what
You: Chinny reckon.
Stranger: i don’t know what that means
You: It means you are telling a tall story.
Stranger: Incorrect
You: So what does Chinny reckon mean, then?
Stranger: you are incorrect that i’m telling a tall story
You: What is the afterlife, then?
Stranger: It depends, either Hell or Heaven
You: Which one has better access to 3G? I have an iPhone so good reception is essential.
Stranger: In Hell you will be in such agony that you will not have such things cross your mind (unless it is in regret that you made light of the situation) and in Heaven you will not need such things
You: I don’t want to go to heaven if everyone there is using iPads.
Stranger: you prolly won’t at the rate your heading
You: So I am punished to an eternity of agony for being a bit of a dick? Oh Lord, thou art a fair one.
Stranger: You will be punished for eternity for forsaking God
You: You have passed the test, child of God.
Stranger: ?
You: I will tell you when you get here.
Stranger: you are less than funny
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: ASL
You: Male.
Stranger: Your age and location are Male too?
Stranger: That’s badman.
You: Most people who ask that first are male. 17. England.
Stranger: Oh I see.
Stranger: Well, i’m 16, F, England.
You: Niiiiice. From where?
Stranger: Manchester.
You: Is that near Salford?
Stranger: Yeahhhh man.
You: Is it snowy? What are you wearing to keep warm?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: What are you wearing, sugar?
Stranger: No. That would be awkward. I’m wearing clothes.
You: Niiice. Why would it be awkward?
Stranger: To wear sugar?
You: If I licked you, the sugar would stick to your body.
Stranger: but still…
You: Then you’d be even sweeter than you probably already are.
Stranger: Aww…
Stranger: You’re too sweet!
Stranger: :D
You: I hardly think “sweet” is the right word.
Stranger: Hmm?
You: I’m being a bit pervy. How old are you?
Stranger: 22
You: OK, grandma.
Stranger: Hey…
Stranger: I’m a guy!
Stranger: Grandpa!
You: Have you any grandkids?
Stranger: I don’t have any children.
Stranger: I’m only 22.
You: You could still have kids.
Stranger: True. But grandchildren is a stretch.
You: I know. I have trouble fitting them up there too.
Stranger: Tell me about it… One is trouble but more than one…. fffffffffffuuuuuuu…..
You: From where are you?
Stranger: From UK I am.
Stranger: y tu?
You: Et moi.
Stranger: Cool and ting
You: Bumbaclot. From what part are you?
Stranger: Isle o’ Wight
You: That’s in the Scottish Isles, isn’t it?
Stranger: ………
Stranger: South a bit…
Stranger: And by a bit.
Stranger: I mean a lot.
You: Is it south of Hampshire?
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: It is part of…. ish….
You: I thought it was its own county.
Stranger: I think it is… But I can never remember….
You: Is it snowy there?
Stranger: Has been.
Stranger: Not at the moment.
Stranger: It comes and goes between rain.
You: Have you had many golden showers there?
Stranger: No… Just plain boring grey ones…
You: Oh. Do you like golden showers?
Stranger: Never had one.
Stranger: I would assume no though.
You: You’d love it.
Stranger: Yeah?
Stranger: Maybe I’ll give it a go when I get bored of normal sexual activity.
You: Integrate it into your daily routine by urinating on yourself in the shower.
Stranger: I aim for the plughole….
Stranger: I’m not sure if I’d be ok doing it to myself…
You: Is that a euphemism for your anus?
Stranger: If it was… Good aim!
You: You could lay on your back and bend your cock round so it is near or touching your anus, depending on length, and then aim doesn’t come into it.
Stranger: I suppose… But that’s too much effort for something I’m not fond of the idea of.
Stranger: Also you appear to have thought this through an awful lot.
You: If I wanted to do it I would, and I do want to do it so I do.
Stranger: Fair enough.
You: What do you do for sexual fun?
Stranger: Just regualr sex.
Stranger: *regular.
You: Gay.
Stranger: I’m not sure if I’d go anything above light bondage….
You: You have a girlfriend?
Stranger: Not at the moment no.
You: Boyfriend?
Stranger: No, and I don’t think I would either.
You: Why don’t you have a girlfriend, do you look like me or something?
Stranger: No, just haven’t tried to get one recently. Been a little too focused on a friend of mine………….
You: Focused in what gay?
You: I mean way.
Stranger: She’s far too perfect for me. So any other girl I have any interest in just doesn’t seem to compare.
Stranger: It’s an awkward situation….
You: I’d offer advice, but it would only make things worse.
Stranger: Possibly…
Stranger: You seem the sort to offer bad advice. But I’ll take it.
You: Kiss her when she lets her guard down so she feels guilty and has to have sex with you.
Stranger: Ha!
Stranger: Exactly what I’ve been missing.
Stranger: Guilt tripping her!
You: You have to be an ugly recluse with borderline mental retardation for it to work, though.
Stranger: Damn….
Stranger: Well that’s out the window…
You: Like my genitals.
Stranger: Exactly.
You: What time is it there?
Stranger: 15:42
You: Have you a job?
Stranger: Yeah.
Stranger: Day off.
You: What is your job?
Stranger: I work in Subway.
Stranger: Eat Fresh.
You: I wasn’t aware of an underground rail system in the Isle of Wight.
Stranger: Oh silly…
Stranger: I mean the Sandwich shop.
Stranger: Not sure I put a capital s on sandwich….
You: I wasn’t aware of food as sophisticated as sandwiches in the Isle of Wight.
Stranger: I know, I had no idea until earlier this year. I lived off of gruel alone.
You: I make my own gruel. It’s salty.
Stranger: Yeah… So was mine….
Stranger: I sense an issue there…
You: The issue is I can’t produce enough of it. Only about a teaspon full five or six times a day.
Stranger: I had huge pots of the stuff…. Mum said she worked really hard all day for it. Said the deliverymen came and helped out.
You: How old’s your Mum?
Stranger: 44 – 46
Stranger: ish
Stranger: I think.
You: Would you?
Stranger: Maybe 43.
Stranger: Well no.
Stranger: She’s my mother.
You: If she wasn’t?
Stranger: I have had friends and friends of friends say they would however.
You: Do you have any pictures of her in swimwear?
Stranger: No.
Stranger: I don’t.
Stranger: And I dunno, hard to picture her as anything other than my mother.
You: Any pictures of her in a state of undress?
Stranger: Not that I have access to.
You: Any pictures of her at all? Or pictures of sisters?
Stranger: Well yeah. Loads on this PC.
You: Niiice. May I see them all?
Stranger: No. I’m afraid not.
You: Please.
Stranger: Sorry, but I suddenly realised I’m very bored of you. Bye.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.