Stranger: Disconnect me
You: Why?
Stranger: I want to do the spy thing and I can’t get it
You: Disconnect yourself.
Stranger: No, you
You: No you hang up first.
Stranger: No you
You: Don’t make me come over there.
Stranger: YOU disconnect ME
You: No, gay.
Stranger: I take that in offense.
Stranger: Disconnect me
You: OK.
Stranger: FUCK
Stranger: Do it.
You: I’m about to do it.
Stranger: Stop taking your time and DO IT DAMN IT.
You: I almost did it then.
Stranger: FUCK YOOOU
You: I’m not going to do it now.
Stranger: I bet if you did disconnect me, it wouldn’t let me do the spy thing because of your bad attitude.
You: You’re the dick who can’t click a fucking button.
Stranger: I did, like a million times, and it didn’t work.
You: Then you’re an idiot.
Stranger: It didn’t give me the option.
Stranger: To do the spy thing.
You: Your best bet would be to try to get someone else to disconnect.
Stranger: I don’t like your attitude.
Stranger: Fix it.
You: Will you have sex with me if I do?
Stranger: Sure.
You: Gay.
Stranger: Ha.
You: Bless you.
Stranger: Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?
You: She said manners only matter when one is talking to girl that one is trying to impress.
Stranger: Oh, so does that make you a lesbian then?
You: No. Why would it?
Stranger: If you’re talking to a girl and trying to impress her. It just makes sense that you’d be a lesbian. Why else would you try to impress her?
You: I understand that logic, but there are two key elements to lesbianism.
Stranger: And?
You: Do you know what they are?
Stranger: What ar- wait, lesbianism?
Stranger: Haha.
You: Yes. What two things does a person have to be to be a lesbian?
Stranger: I think there are more than two but okay.
Stranger: They have to be female, and be attracted to a female.
You: Well done. You’re learning.
Stranger: I assumed you were female.
Stranger: Hah.
Stranger: So it didn’t backfire on me.
You: Do you want to see a picture of my balls to prove I am male?
Stranger: Only if you want to see mine.
You: What? I thought you were female.
Stranger: Haha.
You: This is better than the spy thing, isn’t it?
Stranger: Haha
Stranger: Yes
Stranger: Now I admitted that you’ll probably disconnect.
You: No. I like the company.
Stranger: Sweetness.
You: http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/2112/ballsr.jpg
Stranger: Hah it says balls in the link.
You: Yes. They are my balls. Look at them.
Stranger: No
You: Are you afraid you’ll like them?
Stranger: A picture doesn’t prove they’re yours.
You: They are, though.
Stranger: Nah
You: Fair enough. They are very disgusting.
Stranger: Haha
You: How are your balls?
Stranger: They’re fine thanks for asking.
You: Producing enough semen and everything?
Stranger: Yeah,
Stranger: Production has actually been up, this past week.
You: Wanker?
Stranger: Yuh.
You: What’s your record in one day?
Stranger: It’s bad luck to keep track
You: Lightweight.
Stranger: Oh and you’re a heavyweight
You: I can cum loads.
Stranger: Awesome for you.
You: Once I had a dream and I came in the kitchen and it went up into the corner.
Stranger: I’m having trouble understanding
You: It’s an easy sentence.
Stranger: You came because of the dream, or you came in the kitchen, in the dream.
You: I came in the dream.
Stranger: No so easy for me. I’m an idiot remember :)
You: Oh yes. You don’t know how to click a button.
Stranger: Right.
Stranger: I thought we established this was better.
You: Not for me. I wanted cybersex and got you instead.
Stranger: Haha
Stranger: Wouldn’t it be funny if I was really a girl?
You: That would make me feel better for wanking over this conversation.
Stranger: I am a girl.
You: So am I.
Stranger: Sweet.
Stranger: But I want to be a guy so I’m reverting back to that now.
You: You’ve got issues.
Stranger: All guys have issues.
Stranger: Yours are worse than mine though.
You: How do you know about my issues?
Stranger: I can see through your typing.
You: What are my issues?
Stranger: You know.
Stranger: Why do you say I have issues?
You: You are a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man. That’s weird.
Stranger: Hahaha.
Stranger: Not as weird as you believing it.
You: If you’re not a man being a woman being a man, what are you?
Stranger: Just a man.
You: You were being a woman earlier, pervert.
Stranger: I just said I was a girl, then said I wasn’t. Doesn’t mean I was.
You: I bet you dress up like a little girl, don’t you?
Stranger: It was like two sentences, that’s hardly being a pervert.
Stranger: Not a little girl, that would be weird.
You: Weird suits you.
Stranger: You know what…I think you’re right. But that’s just your idea of weird.
You: I am the sole arbiter of normality.
Stranger: And no, not little girl. I may be odd to you, but I’m no pedo.
Stranger: Normality? and what is that to you?
You: Rob Crane.
Stranger: And who would that be.
You: The most normal and mediocre person alive.
Stranger: Oh that’s probably why I don’t know who he is.
You: It’s a she.
Stranger: Oh cool.
Stranger: Oh that’s probably why I don’t know who she is.
You: Why aren’t you asleep?
Stranger: I don’t like sleep.
You: What about when you are tired?
Stranger: Then I sleep.
You: Once I went 12 hours without sleeping.
Stranger: Bravo.
You: Thanks.
Stranger: I bet you live with your parents.
You: No. I don’t.
Stranger: Oh? You’re a big boy?
You: Yes. I just live with my Mum.
Stranger: Ah.
You: Bless you.
Stranger: You never let me finish.
You: What do you mean?
Stranger: This is why we can’t go nice places.
You: The reason we can’t go nice places is because I never leave the house.
Stranger: Hmm
Stranger: I am going to say that you are from the European region.
You: Yes. It was a 50/50 chance.
Stranger: I derived that conclusion from you saying mum instead of mom, and wanking instead of jacking off.
You: “Mom”? How do you spell Dad? “Did”?
Stranger: Dad is the same.
You: Dad is the same as Mum in your household, judging by your fetish.
Stranger: Haha.
Stranger: Just because I like to crossdress doesn’t mean anything of the sort.
You: I tried crossdressing once. The crucifix looked nice with a jacket on.
Stranger: I don’t follow
You: Do they have jokes in America?
Stranger: Nobody here has a sense od humor.
Stranger: of*
You: Nor a sense of spelling, it would seem.
Stranger: I just don’t understand the crucifix being mentioned. And I’m not the only one that has hit the wrong key.
You: Humour has more letters in that you wrote. I won’t bother explaining the joke.
Stranger: Good.
You: Maybe when you’re older.
Stranger: Humor is a word with spelling variations dumbfuck.
Stranger: Like color.
You: Every word has variations. Most of which are wrong, like humor and color.
Stranger: Hm except each variation is accepted.
Stranger: It’s usually that most people where I live spell those words without a “U,” and it’s obviously opposite for you.
Stranger: Oh yeah, so it’s later where you live, isn’t it your bedtime, got school tomorrow?
You: I have. I need to pick up my shit results.
Stranger: Good luck with that then.
Stranger: When tomorrow comes.
You: Your tomorrow is today today. That’s mad.
Stranger: I’m inclined to agree.
You: At least we agree on something.
Stranger: I think hell might have frozen over then.
Stranger: Check outside and see if there are pigs flying.
You: It’s dark out. I can’t see.
Stranger: Well that sucks for you, it’s light for me so I’ll check.
Stranger: Nope. No flying pigs.
You: Is Hell frozen over?
Stranger: I’m afraid I can’t check that, you might have to do it.
You: I thought you were in Hell? Oh no, it’s just America.
Stranger: Don’t try to hard to insult my homeland, it won’t really do anything. So don’t strain yourself.
Stranger: too*
You: There’s another spelling difference. Here, we don’t call America homeland. We call it Homoland.
Stranger: Haha, that’s a good one.
Stranger: Try to come up with one about how much debt our nation has.
You: America has so much debt, you’d think a monkey was in charge.
Stranger: It’s funny because it’s true!
You: Racist.
Stranger: How so?
You: You said you hope all black people are killed.
Stranger: My bad.
You: Don’t let it happen again.
Stranger: Make one up about how America gets all their t.v show ideas from Britain.
You: America has taken so many TV shows from England, you’d think a monkey was in charge.
You: Callback.
Stranger: Hahaha.
You: Bless you.
Stranger: Thanks.
Stranger: I thought I was going to die.
Stranger: If I DID die while we were talking, you’d never know.
Stranger: You would just disconnect.
Stranger: And I’d be dead on my keyboard.
You: I thought I was going to die once and my whole life flashed before my eyes. It was essentially just history of video games 1995-2011.
Stranger: You’re 15?
You: Yes. I started playing video games when I was 0 years old.
Stranger: So did I!
You: My K/D on Halo was terrible at that age.
You: Especially as Halo never existed then.
Stranger: Hm..why 95′ to 11′?
You: It’s just random. I’ve played older games too so I could have said 1980 to 2011 but that makes me sound old.
Stranger: Only 30
Stranger: If you started at age 0
You: That’s still older than I am.
Stranger: Still not old though.
You: Alright, Granddad.
Stranger: Hahahahah no.
You: Sorry. Do you prefer Grandmother?
Stranger: If it’s the age of someone I’ve had sex with, I don’t consider it old.
You: But you’re a paedophile.
Stranger: I don’t think so.
You: Then why do you dress up as child and masturbate?
Stranger: I don’t dress up like a child.
You: Yes you do, nonce.
Stranger: I wear makeup and skirts sometimes. But how could I dress like a child? I wouldn’t fit.
You: I used to wear children’s clothes and fit perfectly.
Stranger: I think you’re a 16 year old kid that has no life and plays video games in his mother’s basement, in England.
You: I think, despite all that, you’re jealous.
Stranger: Of what may I ask?
You: Of my whole persona.
Stranger: Hm, I’m happy with myself.
Stranger: The only thing I think I could be envious of is that accent.
You: Which accent?
Stranger: The one you have but don’t notice because to you it’s not an accent.
You: It definitely is an accent. I thought you might have meant a Cornwall accent from curmudgeonly Cornwall.
Stranger: Oh really now
You: Yes.
Stranger: “I am the sole arbiter of normality.” You sound boring to me.
You: You’ve had well over an hour to leave if you were bored.
Stranger: I’m just saying.
Stranger: The way you describe yourself is unappealing.
You: How would you describe me? [audience participation]
Stranger: As a cocky teenager who spends too much time alone, and probably doesn’t carry this “persona” with him in his actual life.
You: What actual life?
Stranger: The one that isn’t on omegle.
You: I don’t understand. Not on Omegle?
Stranger: Haa.
Stranger: To be truthful, I don’t think that at all. I actually find you quite entertaining.
You: I’m not going to sleep with you.
Stranger: I’d rather not sleep with you.
Stranger: You’e the one that brought it up.
Stranger: You’re*
You: Why are you being nice if you don’t fancy me, then?
Stranger: Because I’m entertained.
You: Or “teen trained” as I call it. That’s an agram.
Stranger: “Teen trained?”
You: Yep.
Stranger: I’ll assume that you still think me a pedophile then.
You: Yes.
Stranger: That’s funny.
You: Hahahaha.
Stranger: I’m 17 myself, so I technically can’t be one of those until next week.
You: Being a paedo isn’t about age, man. It’s a way of life.
Stranger: Well seeing as you know so much about it then.
You: She said she was 18. I didn’t know she was a foetus.
Stranger: Haah.
You: That’s the sort of laugh only someone who could relate to the joke would do.
Stranger: Oh really?
You: Yes.
Stranger: Well I’m not going to agree.
You: Like the children you proposition.
Stranger: Riiigghht.
You: Bit defensive, I see.
Stranger: Well you see…
You: What do I see?
Stranger: It seems you like to keep bringing up these accusations, so maybe it’s truly you that is the pedo out of the two of us.
You: Yeah. Fair enough. Love ’em.
Stranger: Good going there.
You: Thanks. I’ve never admitted that before.
Stranger: I bet you have a lot of secrets.
You: I just got some orange juice. You’re the first person I ever told.
Stranger: Awesome.
Stranger: I’ll keep your secret.
You: No. It’s my secret. Give it back.
Stranger: No sorry.
You: Thefter.
Stranger: Only sometimes.
Stranger: And if you’re going to call be a theif, say theif, not thefter.
Stranger: me*
You: Thefter is as valid as theif.
Stranger: I say not.
Stranger: I prefer being called a theif, not thefter.
You: I’ll just call you a thief.
Stranger: Thanks.
You: What have you stolen?
Stranger: Your secret.
You: And my heart.
Stranger: No thanks.
You: But I want you, little boy.
Stranger: Nah I’m good.
Stranger: And rather not little.
You: You are so frigid.
Stranger: Thanks.
Stranger: I take that as a compliment.
You: You would do, you virgin.
Stranger: That’s funny.
Stranger: You made me laugh.
You: Laughter to hide your tears?
Stranger: Hahaha.
Stranger: If I had tears I’d use them for lube, not emotions.
You: You’ll never have sex if you don’t cry. Girls like crying.
Stranger: Who ever said I wanted a girl?
You: Sorry. I mean little boy.
Stranger: Not little, big. I prefer big boys.
You: I don’t understand.
Stranger: I don”t dig little boys. More like big boys, men.
You: So… You fancy men? Why? What is that?
Stranger: What is what? I like men. Not a big deal.
You: But where do you put your dick?
Stranger: Where do you think?
You: In the other man’s jap’s eye?
Stranger: I don’t find Japs attractive.
Stranger: Care for another guess? I hardly think you’re so obtuse to not know.
You: I don’t want to think about it. Are you getting off over my discomfort?
Stranger: Why would (n’t) I?
You: Because I’ve just looked up what you do, and I think you might be gay.
Stranger: You had to look it up? I could’ve told you.
You: I wish I had just asked. Those images…
Stranger: You really didn’t pick up on it?
You: You do seem a bit gay.
Stranger: I think more than a bit.
You: Shut up. I don’t want to know.
Stranger: Hahahahahahahahaha
You: You laugh like a gay.
Stranger: Guess what else I do like a gay?
You: You wee sitting down?
Stranger: If I’m wearing a skirt.
You: Which you always do because you are gay.
Stranger: Not all the time.
Stranger: Just sometimes.
You: Anyway, as a homophobe, I feel uncomfortable talking to you now. Bye, gay.
Stranger: Have a nice time then, I feel it strange that you didn’t pick up on it. Especially when I admitted to wearing woman’s clothes.
Stranger: A long time ago.
You: I thought you were taking the piss.
Stranger: Bye now ;)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.